noise

noise is unwanted soundwhich is whyyour parents call the music you like noise

but noise isn't just about sound

it's about information

noise is whatever drowns out or interferes with or conceals meaningful information

sound engineers, radio engineers speak of two things, signal and noise.

the signal is the message, the meaningful part of the transmission

the noise is all the unwanted stuff that interferes with your ability to hear

or decipher the signal.

our lives are full of noisetoo much information

too many messages that don't add up to any coherent whole

all competing for our attentionwe can't find the signal

or make anysense of ourlives

and so we gointo the desert to escape the noise



but then we can hear our internal noise

some of which is very grossespecially during silent prayer

and some of which is subtle but more deeply disturbing

like tinnitus

which is nerve damage to the inner ear resulting in a permanent whistling or

hissing noise inside your head that you can neverescape

for someone like me who suffers from it there is no longer any such thingas silence

if i am in a silent place what i hear is the high-pitched whistle inside my own head

and that's just the physical noise inside us



but our heads are full of mental noise.

the thoughts that won'tstop chattering that stupidsong that you can't get

out of your headthat nagging worry about somethingyou said or didn't say

that hurt and anger thatyou can't let go of, churninginside you when

you're supposed to be concentratingon work that dumb

joke that keeps making you giggleon the bus so that people lookat you strangely...

andwhen you're alone you can't pretend any more that any of these were necessary

so you try and put them aside topray



and now you become aware of spiritual noise

all those things that compete with god

distracting your attentiontowards selfish or worldly concerns

drowning out your attempts to hear god's voicedistorting the message

or making youlose bitsli e a mobile ph ne pasng under a bridg



sin is a kind of spiritual tinnitus

thecloser we get togod's silence

themoreweareawareoftheunceasingwhineinsideourselves

ofwantandneedandhurtandself

trouble iswe've lost the volume knoband anyway we're scared of silence

because without all the activity and distractions

we'll have to face ourselves and godand we are frightenedof what we might find

but god longs to heal us

to still the oscilloscopes of our souls

turn the noise off

and give us peace

because only then

will we be able to hear

the music of heaven