this is an entry i wrote in my journal on a quiet day in brighton away from london back in november...

john taylor writes of the holy spirit as the go between god. when we connect with someone or something and our awareness moves to something beyond, to a sense of wonder or awareness or really seeing, that is the work of god. in this sense the sea comes alive to me today.

i have been thinking about adbusters notion of toxic environments or mind pollution. i realise they can be a bit dramatic and i want to be less negative about culture - but i have found the level of noise getting to me.

busy-ness
the always on hubbub
pressure
advertising

i have closed my eyes and felt they hurt from being overdosed on images and screens.
i have felt the physical speed of the city in my heart as i have waited for a tube.

i guess people suffering from anxiety find these things overwhelming, out of control. i seem to be able to stay away from the edge of the abyss but it worries me what this life does to my mind sometimes.

i normally think of the word toxic or detoxing in relation to addiction but today i'm thinking that maybe i need more detoxing from contemporary life and technology. on this prayer day i am trying to be still. i start to talk to god but realise that what i need is SILENCE - the absence of noise and talk, a breathing in and out that slows and gets back to the rhythm of creation rather than london.

this is where the sea comes in. standing watching the sea, listening to its amazing sound is the right rhythm. it ebbs and flows, it moulds the beach and stones, its huge and unfathomable.

i stand and the go between god makes the connection
makes we aware
fills me with peace
slows me down
detoxes me...
relief for tired body, eyes and heart

then i wander into town. it's fine though harder to be still. but when i go into the shopping mall i feel the toxicity - lights, ads, images, sensory overload, crass and glaring. i find it hard to imagine the go-between god making a connection with anything here (though i know this runs counter to my theology of the incarnation). i only want a pen from smiths to write in my journal and get out as quickly as i can feeling the call back to the sea.

i stand and watch
listen
soak up the rhythm
sink into the ebb and flow
remember god

it strikes me that the word toxicity could be toxiCITY though of course i think the city can also be the home of god. that sends me off on a tangent - what other words end in city? that could be a good series for grace sometime!