for spoof order of service - 'dis-grace'

things forbidden in church:

playing cards
drinking alcohol
prawn/pork
fart
belch
spit
wearing a hat
cross-dress
smoke
take drugs
talk
eat
snog
feel someone up
snore
swear
listen to walkman
gamble
smile/laugh
clap
dance
argue
lapdancing
put hands up
heckle/interrupt the preacher
dress provocatively or scantily [not always the same thing!]
take all your clothes off
not wear your Sunday best
read porn mags

if you have nothing to confess, we can provide you with something
you may choose any or all of the following:
rubber goose
fags & booze
lottery ticket